I can't talk to someone about my feeling right now. I feel numb. I don't know why I should feel this way. And its been one and half month. I am crazy if I should feel this way for so long. Because now, I am financially stable. I thought before, people who have a stable condition such "financially" will feel happy cause they don't need to think about something that they can't provide. But now, I think I am wrong, cause financially stable doesn't make me feel happy. I am worried, that all I have right now drive me away from Allah Swt. I am scared. I am scared that Allah just let me to feel this way. I don't want to Allah leaves me. Astaghfirullah hal'adzim. Oh Allah, please forgive me and fix everything inside me. Aamiin
Surakarta, 16 Mei 2021
